Dick Figures: A New Start
by LuvLuvLuvAnime
Summary: Red and Blue are back with all new adventures, with ninjas, explosives, demons, flying pizza, and mutant chicken! What else could go wrong? With the help of Razer, Red and Blue continue their journey as roommates in a messed up world! ON HIATUS!


Episode 1: Mutant Chicken

**Me: Hey, what's up! It's me doing a new story based on the hit Web Show, Dick Figures! I got so attached to Dick Figures that I'm already re-watching the movie! XD Anyway, I apologized to those who are waiting for the next chapter of whatever Yugioh fanfic I'm doing. So please bear with me, people.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dick Figures. Mondo Media does. If I did own Dick Figures, it wouldn't have ended yet. Sadly it did after the episode Figured Out. If they are making new episodes, TELL ME! I must know! Razer belongs to me and... uh... yeah... Enjoy!**

**Warning: Rated T for language and other stuff.**

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><p>The scene is now shifted to Blue and Red's apartment. Recently, they have been receiving calls from important people about how much they owe for rent. Obviously, it wasn't an issue back then. But now it is.<p>

Blue walked around the room franticly with his cell phone in hand, "Come on, Raze... Pick up the goddamn phone already!"

Red, who was lying on the couch, took another bottle of beer and drank the whole thing; destroying it after lazily dropping it to the ground, "Don't worry, Blue!" he said with a grin. "What's so bad about rent anyway?! It's not like your life depends on it!"

Blue turned and glared at Red, "First of all, we are low on money! How are we supposed to pay eleven thousand dollars if you and I don't work?!"

"Pfft! Jobs are for pussies!" he replied smoothly.

Blue grunted, "AND if our rent is not paid, sooner or later we have to live on the streets! Or worst..."

"What's worst than the streets?" Red sat up.

"We have to go to prison!"

This statement clearly alarmed Red, "Aw! What?! I don't want to get butt-raped in prison!" he placed his hands on Blue's shoulder, giving a somewhat insane, yet scared look. "Do you even know how many dirty people are there. I love my penis the way it is!"

Blue pushed Red away from him, "I know, dude. Just let me call Razer."

Red sighed and walked over to the kitchen for something to eat. He may have filled up on beer, but he, too, needs to EAT something. Maybe due to boredom. He opened the fridge and frowned. There was nothing except this 'Make Your Own Chicken' box. There is no way Red would waste his time cooking. Sighing in frustration (and laziness), he poked his head out of the kitchen.

"Blue~!" Red called out. "There is no food~! Buy something for me~!"

Blue turned to Red, "Shh! Quiet, man! I'm on the phone!"

"Ugghh!" Red grunted. "Do I HAVE to do EVERYTHING?!" He took out the boxed chicken and stared at it's contents. He bit the box and opened it with his teeth.

Meanwhile with Blue...

"Hello? Razer, is that you?" Blue asked a bit nervously, concerning the fact the two barely talked after Sophomore year.

_"Blue?"_ Razer spoke on the other line. Blue cracked a smile of relief.

"Razer! Oh, man! You don't know how happy and relieved I am to hear your voice!" he said.

_"Same here!"_ Razer replied on the other line. _"How about we meet somewhere and talk about the money? The café is always open!"_

Blue frowned, "I don't know..." he trailed off. He poked his head in the kitchen where Red was seen slapping the chicken as he read the instructions. Blue wasn't even sure if he should leave Red alone. What if the apartment goes on fire? Or something along those lines... But, come on, Red is slapping a chicken! It can't be that bad. The only thing Blue should expect is the whole apartment being dirty and nothing else. Taking in a deep breath, Blue spoke, "Okay, then. I'm going. Bye!"

_"See 'ya!"_ Razer replied before hanging up along with Blue.

"Red, I'll be leaving for an hour!" Blue said to his roommate before leaving.

"Whatever!" Red replied as he stuck his hand in the chicken's ass and stuffed it with whatever: A bottle of beer, eggs, a cutting knife, and a green nuclear, radioactive rod that he found under his bed a week ago. "What's next?" he looked down at the instructions from the back of the box. It says:

_"Heat for one hour in the oven. Set temperature to 360 degrees. Do not overheat!"_

Red shrugged his shoulders and shoved the chicken in the oven and set the temperature for- and it said on the oven- _"HOT AS HELL!"_. Then he lied down on the couch and changed the channel to a five hour movie marathon.

Meanwhile with Blue... again...

Blue tapped his foot, waiting for Razer a bit impatiently at the café. Suddenly, a pair of hands reached for his eyes and blinded him. It alarmed Blue for an instant, until he realized who it was.

"Guess who?" a female voice was heard.

Blue cracked a smile, "Ha ha! Razer, is that you?"

"Correct!" Razer smiled as she removed her hands from Blue's eyes.

"Hey, Raze! How's it going?" Blue hugged the orange colored stick figure who is wearing a dark beanie hat.

"I'm doing great, Blue!" Razer smiled. "How's Red?"

"Still a fucking douchebag."

"Of course," Razer nodded before sitting down on a table with her seat across from Blue. "So... The rent."

"Oh yeah..." Blue gulped.

Meanwhile with Red...

As Red watched his shows, green smoke started to emit from the oven. Suddenly, the oven opened, revealing a green chicken standing on it's legs...

Meanwhile with Blue and Razer...

"I can't believe you guys didn't even bother paying the rent..." Razer sighed. She wasn't mad and not even surprised, but seriously. "I guess the rent won't be that bad. How much is it?"

"He he... Well... About that..." Blue shuffled nervously. "What would you say if it's... oh I don't know..." he gulped. "...Eleven thousand dollars."

Meanwhile with Red...

For once, Red actually noticed that the chicken started going insane. At first, he was just about to eat it the way it is, but once the chicken starting running around the apartment, pulling out a knife at Red, and started mocking him, the whole apartment turned into a war zone. Red even had to bring out a bomb and a cannon.

"I just want to eat you!" Red yelled angrily.

Meanwhile with... Oh fuck it... You know who!

"You fucking me, right?" Razer raised a brow.

"I'm serious, Razer," Blue replied. "You are a singer for god's sake! You have a lot of money!"

"I went to quit my job months ago... People were such a pain in the ass..." Razer frowned.

"What?!"

"Hey, I still have money and I can sing wherever I want and people pay me in that location! So it's like I have my job without the makeup and fans!"

"So... you'll help us?" Blue asked.

"Of course!" the orange stick figure nodded.

"Oh! Thank you! Thank you!" Blue sat up and started shaking Razer's hand. "Come on, I'll take you to my apartment!" Razer nodded in reply and the two walked to the apartment together until...

"Blue? You said you're apartment is here... So... Why is there nothing in sight?" Razer asked the blue stick figure who had his jaw on the ground in shock. Blue dropped to his knees as he watched the pile of rubble, that used to be his apartment, be thrown away.

"What. Happened?" he asked, no words to describe how shocked he is. From the pile of rubble, Red popped his head out, devouring the mutant chicken violently with success and eating the whole thing.

"Hey, Blue!" Red grinned at said guy. "Oh, and hey Raze! Long time no see! How's it going? Did you finally lose your virginity? How long was it after you left? Eight years?"

"Ten years, Red," Razer forced a smile. "And yeah... I quit my job and things are going well for me. And, no, I didn't lose my virginity yet."

"Psh! You're such a good little girl, Razer!" Red grinned at the girl.

Blue on the other hand had his face red as hell, "DUDE! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE FUCKING APARTMENT!" Blue yelled angrily, making Razer take a step back. Red on the other hand, kept his expression cool.

"I blew it up."

"WHY?!"

"So I can eat!"

"GODDAMNIT, RED!"

Razer sighed. This is something Blue is not going to drop. But, hey. At least she doesn't have to pay the rent...

_[Dick Figures]_

**Me: End of this chapter. How was it? And yes, Razer will be living with Red and Blue just to give you a head's up. Follow, favorite, and review. NO FLAMES!**


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